Wit 'n Wisdom of Janice LaQuiere

Friday, January 12, 2007

Biblical Courtship???

And now for The Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife ...or.... Is Biblical
Courtship Really What You Want? (This is a little humor that was e-mailed to

1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim
her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. Deuteronomy
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

2. Find a prostitute and marry her. Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)

3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)

4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. Boaz
(Ruth 4:5-10)

5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and
carry her off to be your wife. Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you
a rib. Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)

7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get
tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven
years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right.
Fourteen years of toil for a woman. Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)

8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and
get his daughter for a wife. David (I Samuel 18:27)

9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)

10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. Xerxes
or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have
seen a ...woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your
decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though).
David (2 Samuel 11)

13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good
idea, it's the law). Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in

14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity. Solomon (1 Kings

15. A wife?...NOT!!! Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)


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